Saturday, 11 April 2015

WISHES DON'T COME TRUE S/H

 My bad, if I can't make it through mouth. Besides, it is a grieve that I couldn't pull myself, collect the guts. It is just hard. Tough. As tough as cut a tongue. I have been acting weird for all these years. Some awful anxieties, curse on them for turning me into nothing. Worthless, failure, and a pyscho. I'm scared of being stare at, being imperfect,being in crowds, being in mirror either photo and people judgement. It's hurt when my anxieties attack and I unable to manage some tasks but then people assume that I just being shy or lazy around or I can't do it. I just can't get over them and in fact they do make me become weaker and weaker. Friends, stop forcing me to get in photo. I am not as tough as you are. I am a loser. I can't against my anxiety that i'm scared of my reflections on camera. If you want to see me a little longer on this mad world, stop forcing me doing things that I unable to do or otherwise I will give up on myself and you'll find me out lying soulless in bathtub. I am trying harder and harder but I just can't. But thank to Adi, you bright me up. Brings light during my darkest time. After all these time losing hope in myself, you make me stay conscious till then.

Because of these anxiety issues, I can't share my problems with my best mate. Because it makes me think probably people are flawful that they are sharing, telling their secrets. Because of them I been feeling nervous every single night and end up crying and numbness creep all over my limbs. From that moment I thought maybe it's time. Maybe it's my turn next. I can't feel all my senses at this one night. But after a few while stay crippled, I came back to sense. It's not my time yet. I bursted out again. I can't think properly. Curse me for my incompetence.

During my first year in secondary school, my scareness of being stared at had finally brought me down. I lost to it. Each time I been stared at, I flustured and blushed all over my face. I can't defeat the anxiety. But what did sadden me up when my friends made jokes on me by stared at me. If I turned blushed, They  just laughed at me told that I am funny.

Wishes usually don't come true. But I am hoping so bad that I can cure from all of these sickening issues.

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